DIVING INTO THE DEEP END

STANDING ON THE EDGE

i stood there in silence. the moment was at a complete standstill and i was flooded by the spotlight. i looked down at my bare feet below. the cold, wet cement sent a shiver through my spine. surrounded in bursting echoes of even the slightest noise, i became the only person existing. standing at the edge of the deep end, with nothing but determination i fixated my eyes on the pool before me. all i had to do was dive in.

CIRCLE OF LIFE

this scenario has often occurred in my life. while you may assume the above was just a figment of my imagination, i was describing an actual event that may have been a pivotal moment in my life. the first time we were asked to dive into the deep end in swimming class. ever since then, and for as long as i can remember, i’ve had a hard time diving in. head first. first, i quickly dip my toes in to test the waters. if the water is freezing, i won’t check again. if not, then i quickly dip my toes in once more, adding a little sway this time around. i might agree that it’s not so bad, so i sit on the edge with my legs in the water, content for a while. some time goes by, and finally i excitedly decide i want to jump all the way in. but by now, the water feels much too cold. shoot. opportunity missed. i hesitate. i spend a moment trying to fight it, but i decide to just sit on the edge instead. it’s safer here. less stress. less decisions.

SMALL FRY

i was the smallest in the class. surely, i must have been the littlest one there. a small fry. everyone else in the class swiftly dove into the deep end of the pool for the first time of their lives that day. head first, no less. then it was my turn. i froze. i looked above to see my mom in the viewing room window on the next floor. i felt alone. i didn’t think i could survive it, but i wanted to just do it more than anything. nike style. my determination to win and my fear of death were ultimately at war with each other and finally, i took a step back. i can’t do it. i can’t do it. it’s just too scary. “that’s okay, you can just jump in feet first and doggy-paddle to the halfway point…”

GETTING IN THE DEEP END

i never did finish that class, in fact i quit shortly after that. i just wasn’t ready for the deep end. i feared too much that it would eat me up and no one would be able to save me. but you know what? i did jump in that day. it may not have been head first. i may have only doggy-paddled to the halfway point. but then one day, i swam from one end to the other. multiple times thereafter. in fact, then i went on to teach myself how to swim out of sheer will. i taught myself much better lessons than i was able to achieve in class. in fact, i grew to love swimming. whether i was too young that year for the deep end or not, life still seems to repeat itself in certain ways. right now i think i’m approaching the point where the water feels warm enough to ease all the way in. after all, it’s probably about time i got rid of the ol’ ‘the water is too cold’ excuse. =)

DIVING HEAD FIRST

this is one of those moments where i’m diving in head first. a few days ago i hauled out a big canvas to paint on that’s been collecting dust for the last 3 or so years. not only did i have a fantastic time painting, but it invigorated me. it completely lit up my soul, and really has kept my imagination and excitement going ever since. all these years i thought, yes i’m an artist, yes i can do all sorts of different things, yes i am good… yet i was so scared to actually try painting in fear that i wouldn’t be amazed by my results. isn’t that terrible?? i mean, really. it’s paint and canvas. it can be thrown away. it can be painted over. and, gasp… it can be done all over again on another canvas!! something inside of me was in such fear of failure that i avoided it for over 3 years. now i regret not painting for the last decade. by waiting, i’ve lost a lot of precious time.

STEFF’S MORAL OF THE STORY

dive in. take the chance, paint that canvas. renovate that room you hate. buy that quad you’ve wanted for years. dye your hair a fun color. paint your hallway. whatever it is you desire, it’s been nagging at you for a reason. there’s a reason you keep thinking about that project you started years ago… there’s a reason!!!

enjoy this little sneak peek of the latest painting i’ve been working on. The images are detail shots, no full painting images until they’re complete. this is the wildest painting i’ve worked on thus far… images shot with this point and shoot panasonic camera